In the Tantric tradition it is said that the whole universe is sustained by the cosmic lovemaking between Shiva (consciousness or the masculine principle) and Shakti (energy or the feminine principle). Shiva and Shakti are the cosmic couple and represent archetypal polar opposites: masculine and feminine; yang and yin. Shiva is symbolised by the erect lingam (phallus) and Shakti by the all-embracing yoni (vulva); the lingam and yoni are polar opposites, but at the same time perfectly complement each other, easily uniting in amorous ecstasy. You can see this eternal and cosmic union between Shiva and Shakti perfectly represented in the traditional lingam-yoni statue, where the erect lingam symbolically penetrates the yoni.
Nature obviously reflects this cosmic perspective; the game between masculine and feminine is constantly played out in all fauna and flora on this planet. Human beings are no exception, and this polar game has existed in human societies since the beginning of recorded time (and no doubt before this too). For instance, at the time when the Kama Sutra was written, the natural game between the masculine and feminine was a vivid part of life; men and women having distinct and complementary roles, which created a kind of magic effect when they would meet. In fact, as a side note, the Kama Sutra is famous for being a manual for an exciting love life, which is usually attributed to teachings about exotic postures for lovemaking (which forms a relatively small sub-chapter of the whole work). However, the key for erotic and amorous happiness is actually found in the game of polarity, which is one of the main themes of the book, running through all its chapters.
Today we live in a different kind of world, where gender is a hot topic for debate. However, the game of polarity is still a secret key to happiness – both in the couple relationship and beyond. Within the couple, it is the essential ingredient that helps to keep attraction and passion alive, well past the moment when the flame ordinarily flickers and goes out. To understand this, we can take the simple example of the attraction between magnets. As everyone knows, magnets have two poles, plus and minus. When you bring two magnets together, the plus and minus poles attract each other. When the strength of the magnets is very weak, the attraction between them is also feeble. However, when the magnets are very strong, they can attract each other from far away, uniting with a great force.
In the same way, attraction in a couple is due to the strength of the opposite polarity between them. The more the masculine pole is emphasised on one side and the more the feminine pole is emphasised on the other side, the stronger the ‘magnetic’ attraction and the more magic that results. In the generation of an electrical current, the stronger the poles of the battery, the greater the charge and the current that results is more powerful. Thus, when masculine meets feminine, sparks truly fly. Tantrics are especially interested in strong ‘poles’ and the resulting powerful ‘current’, because this becomes a springboard for reaching the heights of amorous ecstasy when the two lovers are able to control and alchemise the intense energy that appears.
Beyond attraction and erotic interaction, playing the game of polarity is a wonderful way to live a life that is vividly charged (or ‘polarised’ we might say). This is true both within and beyond the couple relationship. Of course, we are complex beings and all of us have within us a little part of the opposite pole. However, when a woman truly relaxes in her femininity and a man feels at ease in his masculinity, there is a state of naturalness that appears, which is both deeply fulfilling and invigorating. We find ourselves integrated in the intense game of life, which becomes like a continuous foreplay between masculine and feminine, finding its expressions in surprising ways. In contrast, when polarity is weak and the natural difference between the genders gets flattened, life itself becomes flat and loses its spark. In such a situation we might say someone is ‘cool’ or ‘chilled’, as people today like to describe each other, but never ‘hot’ – as a Tantric ought to be! ;)
How can you begin to play this game? Well, Tantric massage is a wonderful starting point! A massage which is offered and received in a state of love and awareness naturally supports a polarised interaction, on the background of a state of deep relaxation – ideal conditions for the masculine and feminine poles to flourish. When lucidly experienced, whatever you felt in the massage can be transferred to your daily life, bringing more self-confidence and connection to your heart and soul, simply because you are resting more easily in your masculine or feminine nature.
Of course, massage is not the only way to begin to play the game of polarity. Starting from now, you can aim to relate to moments when you feel the most masculine or feminine respectively as a man or a woman. We are sure that what you will find will be very different depending on which gender you are! Then you can aim to cultivate those aspects and let the state you feel start to permeate the rest of your life. If you are in a couple relationship, become aware of the polar difference between you, and aim to enhance that difference (of course in the limit of what feels natural to you). For example, women leave space for your man to carry things for you (even if you could manage), and men leave space for your woman to initiate you in the art of delicate and sweet intimacy (even if you might like to get straight to the point). Even if it feels as though you are only playing a game, this is already a wonderful sign that you started to unite with the delicious game of life…