When we mention the word “eroticism” in the same sentence as “holiness,” some people may raise their spiritual eyebrows. Not only do many traditions and religions promote chastity, abstinence, and the repression of sexuality, but the common person has also noticed that there are some problems when it comes to sex.
Whether you are a Hindu who believes that “love is one of the paths to full spiritual liberation” or a Sufi quoting Rumi: “To love is to reach God,” or a Christian believing that “God is Love; whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them,” love is holy. The fact that love leads to a godly experience is universally accepted across spiritual traditions.
The butterflies of fresh love lift every person’s heart to an elevated, pure, and sublime experience of life. When we are in love, we tend to see our beloved as a god or goddess; the room around them becomes hallowed, and even the footsteps of our beloved feel like a holy relic to be treasured. But then, when sex begins, the atmosphere sometimes changes. While passionate intercourse might be hot and steamy at the beginning, the quick climax that follows often leads to an inevitable downfall. Something of the magic decreases, and while at first there was excitement and longing, after an explosive peak, dullness and lethargy may creep in. Many people thus sense that love is clearly clean, undoubtedly good, and obviously uplifting, while sex can bring in something stained, confusing, or even distancing.
Tantrics believe that just as love is holy, eros is holy as well. Holy eroticism exists, and when practised correctly, it not only offers a way out of the trap of the so-called “original sin” of sexuality known from Christianity, but it also transforms one’s entire life into a precious and pure love story.
So what makes something holy? And what exactly is holy eroticism? The keys we will explore here are awareness, and the difference between sex and eros.
Sex versus Eros
From the tantric perspective, there is a clear distinction between sex and eros. They are two similar yet very different energies, each leading in a different direction.
When we think about our most sublime and uplifting erotic moments, we usually connect them to keywords such as heavenly, present, sense of eternity, full of love, free, ecstatic, deep connection with the other, fulfilment, soul-fusion, feeling of oneness, energising, and sometimes even holy. The experience gives an upward direction and raises our consciousness and inner state. The erotic experience becomes a spiritual exploration that can take us into higher spiritual states.
When we speak about sexual experiences, on the contrary, we can say they are more connected to the carnal and instinctual level. Some people experience these kinds of interactions as rushed, disconnected, and even exhausting. There is a sort of downfall of consciousness, and the sexual energy can deplete us of our inner resources.
While these two energies are very different from each other, each has one main characteristic that helps us distinguish between them: consciousness. Awareness and full presence bring us into the erotic state, while the lack thereof keeps us within the realm of sexual energy. By remaining unaware, switching off, or being driven by the more instinctual parts of our being, we remain in an attitude leaning more toward sexual energy.
The energy of eros is deeply connected to our heart. It is an uplifting energy with a rising quality; making love in an erotic way makes you feel playful, light, present here and now, and deeply connected to yourself and the other.
Most of the time when we make love, most of us experience a mixture of both sexual and erotic energy. We might start with an elevated and loving experience filled with pure intentions, only to realize at some point that instincts or pleasure-seeking habits have slipped in. This way we can find ourselves wanting to connect and unite, yet ending up feeling dissatisfied, needy, distanced from one another, or driven by an uncontrollable desire for sexual excitement.
By continuously checking in with ourselves—our behaviours, attitudes, and inner experiences—we can discover where we are. We can ask ourselves: Which direction is this experience taking me? Am I feeling uplifted or not? How present am I in this experience?
Gradually, over time, we can cultivate a more and more erotic experience that makes us feel elevated, heart-centred, and loving—even in the days following our erotic encounters.
Cultivating Pure Eros: the evolutionary highway
As tantrics, we aim to gradually purify our eroticism until we learn to cultivate only pure eros in our lovemaking, completely giving up being taken or driven by sexual energy. When we learn to tame the so-called “lion” of sexual energy and its instinctive power, and instead harness purely erotic energy, we discover a path to ever-increasing states of happiness.
In tantra we apply methods and techniques that lead to freedom, ecstasy, and even enlightenment. Holy eroticism guides us in this evolution. When we overcome the powerful temptations of sexual energy, holy eroticism can deify us.
Even though “sacred sexuality” has become a popular term nowadays, it actually contradicts itself. Because of its downward direction, sexual energy cannot lead to a sanctified experience. Sexual energy has the potential to blind people through strong desires and make them unconscious. As human beings, according to tantra, lovemaking also serves purposes beyond procreation. Sexual energy is primarily needed only when we want to conceive a child, whereas eroticism can be engaged in every time we make love. It is a deeply fulfilling energy that does not require the depleting feeling of loss of semen or intimate disconnection afterward. Eros is the awakening force that naturally increases our awareness and reveals our highest truth. While other practices such as yoga, meditation, and prayer can have this awakening effect as well, nothing is as efficient as pure holy eroticism.
That is why we aim to live life erotically—being open and in love, ready to offer ourselves and to aspire to the highest we can perceive. If you try this too, you will see that when you cultivate pure eros in your daily life, instead of wandering along a windy path, you will find yourself on an evolutionary highway, becoming ever happier and freer.
What is Holiness?
Holiness is the result of consciousness. When the so-called “lights” are on—when we are intensely focused on what we do, totally aware of all that happens within and outside of us, acknowledging everything without preferences, likes, or dislikes—then this sanctifies the entire ambience.
The presence of consciousness brings holiness to our life. When we increase consciousness—whether in ourselves, in a project, or in a place—that thing or being becomes sanctified. The opposite is also true: when there is unconsciousness, sooner or later even that which was originally good turns into something bad. When we act on autopilot, in half-awareness, there is a gravitational pull that slowly makes us more unconscious, drags us down, and leads us toward what is unholy.
This is exactly how any intimate interaction—such as lovemaking or tantric massage—becomes holy: through consciousness.
When we bring awareness into the most intense forms of intimate pleasure, a reverence appears. You will start to discover something profoundly saintly inside yourself and recognize the holy dimension of life. When we engage with sexual energy out of ignorance, habit, or impulse, we are instantly pushed out of this holy space. We then have to fight against all inferior tendencies present in the profane space—for example, feeling contracted by blockages, fears, insecurities, limitations, attractions, and rejections.
Holy Eroticism: a key to the doors of heaven
In ancient cultures, erotic effervescence was part of spiritual life. For example, in temples, erotic dancers were displayed. These were highly trained women who were extremely focused and aware; they would exhibit intense, uplifting erotic effervescence. This sanctified the temple and inspired the spectators to engage in spiritual practices.
Holy and pure eros is the way that leads humans toward godliness. It can take us into a totally different dimension—the dimension of the mysterious and the miraculous. Eros can be seen as that passion for the highest, which awakens a force that lifts us out of the depths and helps us rise to the point our hearts are calling for.
As Saint Augustine described:
“All my empty dreams suddenly lost their charm and my heart began to throb with a bewildering passion for the wisdom of eternal truth. I began to climb out of the depth in order to return to you. My God, how I burned with longing to have wings to carry me back to you, away from all earthly things!”
(St. Augustine, “Confessions”, 58–59).
Holy eroticism is that passionate and uplifting force that attaches wings to our aspiring spine, carrying us up to the heavens above. Holy eroticism is the energy that brings heaven down to earth by lifting earth up to heaven. By cultivating erotic energy in our life, the gap between the spiritual and the worldly begins to close. We start to discover the deified nature of reality in all our daily duties. And we learn to come closer and closer to that which is godly. Our own being starts to transform and become more and more as we were meant to be: created in the image and likeness of God.