The practice of amorous erotic continence is a fundamental aspect of the Tantric path, as well as being one of the most famous aspects (so far as it is understood). Amorous erotic continence implies the perfect control of the erotic energies, so that all creative energies are redirected within the being of the practitioner and are never lost.
Continence is based on the principle of Brahmacharya – sometimes translated as restraint or even abstinence. Brahmacharya means to control perfectly all energies, so that nothing is ever wasted. This includes not wasting time or resources in unnecessary endeavours, unimportant conversations, emotional outbursts etc. In some traditions Brahmacharya is interpreted to mean that practitioners must abstain from any form of lovemaking or sexual intercourse in order to prevent an accumulation of energy at the sexual level, which afterwards becomes difficult to control. Tantra suggests a different approach, which is to learn the art of inner alchemy and the transformation of sexual energy into purer more refined form of energy that feeds the highest spiritual levels.
In the ideal Tantric amorous fusion, the lovers neither seek the gratification of their own desires nor the satisfaction of some basic instincts. Tantric lovemaking is based primarily on LOVE, with each lover always aiming to connect to the deepest, most refined and pure nature of their beloved. The orientation of their fusion is always towards a high ideal, such as love, or the fulfilment of a deep spiritual aspiration. The happiness of a Tantric is to make his or her beloved ecstatically happy, and in lovemaking each lover gives themselves to this aim without reserve.
Due to the uplifting orientation of their fusion, it becomes much easier for both lovers to control the intense energies that appear, which naturally flow in an ascending direction, when they detach from personal desires. The woman easily relaxes into intense erotic pleasure and multiple states of orgasm, being renewed with more and more energy, rather than losing it. The man gradually learns the art of control to such an extent that he is able to go beyond the reflex of ejaculation and to experience orgasm without any loss of fluid or energy. He too joins his beloved in blissfully climbing the ‘stairway to heaven’, experiencing higher and more refined states of orgasm and erotic delight. Their fusion can last for hours and leaves a state of profound fulfilment that lasts for days afterwards. More than this, it supports both lovers in their evolution as spiritual beings, causing a deep inner purification, accumulation of elevated energies and an easier access to the deeper layers of their being.
Reaching this level implies intensive inner work. The woman must make efforts to purify and refine her inner structures, to let go of tensions, stress and inhibitions, to cultivate a state of love that is free from selfish motivations. However, in the beginning stages of practice, the greatest efforts must be made by the man, who needs to conquer the ‘wild horse’ of instinctual passion that drives him to procreate and lose his seed (in the case that the couple is not actively trying to conceive a child). The man must become aware that orgasm and ejaculation are two distinct mechanisms that can be separated. In the beginning stages of practice, he has to learn to slow down and detach from the instinctual desire to ejaculate, gradually alchemising his sexual energies until he can make love without ejaculation occurring. In advanced stages of practice, control is perfected so that he can make love freely and without restraint, experience multiple states of orgasm without any loss of energy. ‘Wet dreams’ also cease, meaning that all creative energies are alchemised in his being, feeding the most refined levels and fuelling his higher aspirations.
In order to reach this level, it is necessary for the man to have an intensive practice of spiritual techniques and attitudes, both inside and outside the bedroom. He must gradually increase his willpower to overcome the temptation of losing himself in pleasure and inevitably sliding towards energy loss. Amorous erotic continence must become a daily practice of awareness, so that his energies are always kept under control. The challenge provided by this practice nevertheless offers great rewards. A man perfecting the art of continence will naturally grow in self-confidence, virility, willpower, inner discipline; will become more elevated and refined; he will become much more masculine and attractive to the women in his life, who are naturally polarised by his presence. Moreover, he can offer the wonderful gift to his beloved of making love to her for hours and making her extraordinarily happy and fulfilled. Such a man has no more need for fast cars or other fake ways to showcase his masculinity – his masculine character and confidence naturally radiates from within and become a source of fascination for women.
Women are naturally wired to be erotically continent, and in most cases easily able to experience multiple states of orgasm, once they learn to relax and open. This is why only a continent man can truly satisfy and fulfil a woman, touching the depths and heights of her potential in their fusion. Unfortunately, however, many women today are unaware of their real potential and ‘learn’ sexual behaviour from their male lovers. Many women get used to a rushed interaction in which foreplay is either very short or skipped altogether, and a sexual fusion that ends very quickly with the man ejaculating.
A woman naturally needs 30-45 minutes of foreplay in order to open up properly for lovemaking and to be able to experience elevated states of orgasm. Rushed sex therefore inevitably creates inner frustrations and sometimes pushes women to develop a tense and sexualised attitude of pushing for an orgasm as quickly as possible, before sex is over and it is too late. This attitude tends to produce an unnatural type of orgasm, focused on genital pleasure, in which energy can be lost (with or without the loss of fluids). After such an orgasm the woman requires a break from lovemaking until she is able to resume again later, just like a man after he has ejaculated. It is therefore necessary for some women to learn to ‘rewire’ their way to approach lovemaking and pleasure in order to learn amorous erotic continence.
Continence for women also implies the continuous awareness of her creative potential, which can also be lost through emotional outbursts or talking for hours about unimportant things. The greatest and most obvious energy loss for a woman is in the monthly moment of menstrual bleeding. When a woman has not succeeded to maintain control over her creative energies and to alchemise them sufficiently, these energies are expelled every month in the form of menstruation. Tantric practice for a woman therefore includes the practice of inner alchemy aimed towards reducing and even suspending unpleasant menstrual symptoms. Through doing this, she gains access to a much higher resource of energy that can then be used to fuel her beneficial endeavours in all areas of life.
The path of training and perfecting amorous erotic continence contains many challenges for both men and women, but the benefits are invaluable. Continence offers the possibility for much greater happiness and fulfilment, access to far superior energy resources, amplification of femininity and masculinity for women and men respectively, deeper connection and fulfilment in the couple relationship, profound spiritual transformation, the possibility to have a more elevated perspective on life, as well as many other rewards. In our temples, we teach the basics of this practice as part of the Amorous Erotic Continence Initiation. Find out more about our journey of initiations here: https://tantra-temple.com/esoteric-tantric-initations/